Through the years I've learned a lot about a particular weakness
of mine. This weakness is multi-faceted and becomes clearer to me with each
passing year. I don't learn the way most people do. 1) I process information
slowly - efficiently - but slowly. I liken my brain to an old computer with
lots of memory, but a slow processor. 2) I am often blatantly ignorant of
completely obvious facts. This one embarrasses me the most and is the reason I
tend to prefer taking a back seat in group conversations, for fear I will
expose this weakness. 3) The previous two weaknesses combine into the third
weakness of being unable to speak my mind clearly when put on the spot. My mind
is full of deep interwoven thoughts, but to get them out orally is extremely
frustrating to me. Fortunately, the Lord has provided a way for me to do so
through writing.
I was recently reminded of these 'disabilities' when I was
in my Biblical Hebrew class and had an awkward moment from category 2 above. In
short, I was explaining my misunderstanding of a concept that was painfully
obvious to everyone in the room including my teacher. It was kind of like looking
in the fridge for the gallon of milk that is right in front of me but I just
couldn't see it. Anyway, the concept finally clicked, I blushed, wished I
hadn't opened my mouth, and class went on.
After thinking about the experience for the rest of the day,
I realized further that this awkward weakness has in many instances helped me
to see what is not so obvious to other people, or to think 'out of the box' so
to speak. In that regard, it is a curse and a blessing; A weakness and a strength.
Then later that night, I became interested in the gospel doctrines
that underpinned my situation, and found myself reading Ether 12:
23-27. In these verses I found Moroni in an exactly opposite situation to me,
who considered himself a powerful speaker and a lousy writer. He was so
concerned about it that he spoke to the Lord. Then the Lord gave his well know
response, "if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto
men weakness that they may be humble".
This passage led to further study, when I found out that Nephi
also shared Moroni's concerns. "And now I, Nephi, cannot write all the things
which were taught among my people; neither am I mighty in writing,
like unto speaking" (2 Nephi 33:1).
Further study helped me see that my weakness (and strength)
was shared by Moses and Joseph Smith. Moses' weakness in speaking and having a
"slow tongue" are described in Exodus 4:
10-16. The Lord provided his brother, Aaron who had the gift of speaking, as a mouthpiece. Then, Lehi, quoting Joseph of Egypt saw Joseph Smith in vision and
said: "And the Lord hath said: I will raise up a Moses (Joseph Smith Jr.)…and
I will give judgment unto him in writing. Yet I will not loose his tongue, that
he shall speak much, for I will not make him mighty in speaking. But I will write unto
him my law, by the finger of mine own hand; and I will make a spokesman for
him. (2
Nephi 3:17)
These passages helped me to realize that the Lord has given
me my weakness for a purpose. I have always loved education, whether I excelled
in it academically or not. I realized that if I had confidence in my academic
interests and abilities I would have become proud and spiritually weak. In all
likelihood my faith would now be dormant. My weakness has largely kept my pride
at bay in all things academic.
Weaknesses can be likened to the moon, whose gravitational
pull helps to stabilize the earth's orbit and seasons. Without the moon, the
earth would have an irregular wobble that might adversely affect seasons, which
would affect crops, and life as we know it. Likewise, weakness stabilizes over
confident people, which may otherwise live with spiritual instability.
I wonder how an orally confident Moses, or Joseph Smith
might have changed history. In addition to their many other gifts, perhaps the
gift of speaking may have made them overly proud and unable to perform their
prophetic roles as well as they did, or with the level of humility they both
possessed.
Acknowledging our weakness is a righteous pursuit, and one
that bears heavenly fruits. The Lord told Moroni after he confessed his
weakness in writing, "And because thou hast seen thy weakness thou
shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down in the place which I have
prepared in the mansions of my Father" (Ether 12:
37).
Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI can relate so fully to your struggle, however I've only ever saw it in my out life as a curse, I appreciate your perspective on this.
ReplyDelete